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A beginners guide to competing with Sky Sports for headline grabbing stories

Simply use any one of these ten headlines below in rotation. Always use tentative and ambiguous language in the copy of the article. Don't commit to anything by adding a line that subtly disconnects your association with the 'ITK' information. The subtly can also be easily missed by the casual reader so that you can later claim glory as someone privy to club info before it's been made official if the deal (which has a 50% chance of happening) happens.

Bask in the glory that if you share ITK (you've copy and pasted from a forum) that your involvement in the transfer was to inform the masses, therefore making you an intricate cog in the wheel of breaking news. Without you the deal might not have come to pass. Therefore this gives you free reign to abuse any no-believers.

Here's the ten headlines to make you a legend in the ranks of the THFC fanbase:

It's been agreed

It's going to happen

It's happening

Done deal

Done and dusted

He's on his way

£25M and it's done

New arrival

Another one bites the dust

He's going to be sold

You can also create your own variants by simply crafting the title of the article to pose a question or suggest something without clarity.

i.e. Why this player is going to sign for Spurs

i.e. Is he going to say yes?

Publish and watch those traffic analytics spike!